Christian Marriage: Guarding the United Front

“Keeping my home is only partly about cleaning, cooking and managing the affairs here. It is foremost about “keeping” in the sense of guarding. And what more important to guard than the united front that is my husband and me?”

C.S. Lewis said, “We need to be reminded more than instructed.” Truer words could not be spoken.

The “elder ladies” in our church hosted a marriage seminar recently. It was a much-needed breath of fresh air, both convicting on many levels, and inspiring to the point of action.

(Disclaimer: these are not posts about “whether or not a Christian woman should submit to her husband” or “whether the Bible teaches differences in roles for husbands and wives.” If you’re interested in that debate, I’m sure there are other places for that. My time is limited, and while debate about some issues is a part of this blog, I’ve searched the opposition to its end, and still hold the Bible as my authority and maintain that is speaks clearly and absolutely regarding marriage. I will guard our time here and try to prevent fruitless debate with those who have a different worldview regarding marriage. Also, posts like these inevitably lean toward the “what ifs” and hypotheticals of marriage. These posts are for Christian women who are in non-abusive marriages who wish to follow God’s design for a more fruitful and rewarding relationship.)

So I came away, though everything we heard we had heard before, with a freshness of purpose. Isn’t it funny how the same information can still be so enlightening again and again?

  • We want happy marriages (though the goal is not happiness)…check.
  • We know God speaks on the subject…check.
  • We faithfully live in accordance with that word…not so much!

The beginning point continues to be, for me, that I must make my marriage a priority. If you happen to live with a loving, easy-going husband like mine, it’s easy to let marriage slip down the list of priorities.

But what a dangerous place for us to put our most important, earthly relationship! So my very first slap-in-the-forehead moment at the seminar was this:

Keeping my home is only partly about cleaning, cooking and managing the affairs here. It is foremost about keeping in the sense of guarding. And what more important to guard than the united front that is my husband and me?

If you can picture a family like a house. I like to think of the foundation as the worldview of the family. A Christian couple should have a biblical foundation. All inside the house is treasured and sacred. It is the fundamental starting place for the advancement of the Kingdom. But the door…ah, that most important part. The door is the marriage. The security of the entire house depends on the sturdiness and security of that door. When the door is neglected, begins to deteriorate, the entire house stands to be ravaged.

Do I consider my marriage worthy of fierce protection? And do I prioritize it so that I’m doing my part to guard it? Or do I trust in a false sense of invincibility?

I have to raise my hand at this point and say, “guilty”. I have often let other things demand more of my time and attention and I am committing anew to change that.

Marriage is the lifeblood that flows from my personal life to family, community, church and culture. It’s seems too obvious, but I don’t think we are believing and communicating how important this relationship is! My marriage, in large part, sets the precedence for my children’s marriages. And all our marriages comprise the picture of the gospel. It is the relationship through which God chose to depict His love for us and our response to Him.

The way we love our spouses tells the world how we love our Lord….ouch.

“We are the Body of which the Lord is Head,
Called to obey Him, now risen from the dead;
He wills us be a family,
Diverse yet truly one:
O let us give our gifts to God,
And so shall his work on earth be done.”

6 thoughts on “Christian Marriage: Guarding the United Front

  1. Thanks for the reminder! It’s so easy to let a new little one (or ones in my case) become an easy excuse for neglecting our marriage/spouse. We are in “survival mode” for a time (sleep deprivation, anyone?), but too often that is allowed to continue on for months, or even years, on end.

    Now to go get my rear in gear…


  2. What a great post!
    Thanks for sharing what you have learn

    I love what you wrote
    “Keeping my home is only partly about cleaning, cooking and managing the affairs here. It is foremost about keeping in the sense of guarding. And what more important to guard than the united front that is my husband and me?”

    I often feels guilty because of the condition of the house (someday it does look like a tornado ran trough our home), But I always feel convicted if I do not spend quality time with my husband or children.

    Guilt because I know I should be a better homemaker, managing my time better etc… But that quilt shouldn’t be put before the Priority that God as given me (Him, husband and Children in that order)

    Thanks for the gentle reminder
    and yes dirty laundry will still be there tomorrow for me to fold but my husband and children may not



  3. There are, unfortunately, few blogs by men that address the subject of marriage in an enlightened (?) way. It really is a tough sell to men. I appreciate what you are saying to wives. I’m trying to send a similar message to husbands. Blessings! Kim


  4. Thank you for this article. It is a necessary reminder. I’d love to read more articles about this topic that include practical ways to guard your marriage.

    I was too “free” with mine as a young bride not knowing what boundaries to place. I unintentionally “invited” in other women (although my husband never cheated on me), I didn’t know and enforce the proper decorum for other women to deal with my dh. I think this could be helpful for other young women who have been deceived by the world’s claim that men and women can mix and mingle without consequence.

    In fact, my husband and I were just talking about this today and I mentioned how in my ignorance (when I was ignorantly pursuing a corporate career ) I went to lunch 2-3 times with a Christian brother alone. We figured since we worked so close to each other, it would be “encouraging” to fellowship with another Christian during the work day. Our respective spouses were also to in-tuned with our fallen culture to think twice about it. While nothing happened, I can just slap myself for not seeing how I did not guard my marriage.


  5. Thanks for another great article Kelly. Recently, the Lord has really shown me how loving my husband is a picture to the world of how much I love Christ. Sarah from the Bible is an awesome example to us by the way that she respected Abraham so much that she called him lord. I love that. What an awesome privilege we have as wives!


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