Where Have All the Good (Wo)Men Gone?

Jennifer Fulwiler penned an excellent column the other day that asks the right questions:

This weekend the Wall Street Journal ran an article by Kay S. Hymowitz in which she asked: “Where have all the good men gone?” She wrote:

Not so long ago, the average American man in his 20s had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: a high-school diploma, financial independence, marriage and children. Today, most men in their 20s hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. This “pre-adulthood” has much to recommend it, especially for the college-educated. But it’s time to state what has become obvious to legions of frustrated young women: It doesn’t bring out the best in men….

Boy, did she touch a nerve. Only hours after it was posted, it had 300 comments, most of them from men who basically said: “Right back at’cha.” They wanted to know where all the good women have gone….

I’ve seen debates like this before, and they usually degenerate into chicken-and-egg arguments about which gender’s bad behavior sparked the bad behavior of the other. Each side has some valid points, but I think that the entire debate is centered on the wrong question. I suspect that it was not the behavior of one gender that ignited this current animosity between the sexes; rather, I think it started when we, together as a society, started redefining marriage and sexual morality.

Read the entire piece HERE.

2 thoughts on “Where Have All the Good (Wo)Men Gone?

  1. One thing I liked about the article, is that she acknowledged the role that economic demands have played in all of this. Part of the reason you don’t see men taking on the role of husband and father as early as they did in previous generations is because well paying jobs are not as easily attainable as they used to be. Instead of being able to support himself and a family with a job he could get out of high school, a man now has to go to college, delaying the process by 4 years. Then he has to work his way up the career ladder. And these days just having that piece of paper from a college doesn’t automatically guarantee you a well paying job as previous generations taught us. I know too people who have college degrees that are grossly under employed. I think she gives guys the benefit of the doubt in this area.

    When I read the article, there were 1700 comments. I certainly didn’t read all of them, but one mentioned the old, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. We can’t ignore the role easy access to sexual intimacy plays in this as well. Sex isn’t the only reason people get married. But we really shouldn’t be surprised that so many men will delay marriage, when they are accustomed to getting all of the benefits without any of the responsibility.


  2. Yes, I agree with the above poster–jobs that enable men to be good providers are harder to get, especially in the early twenties. One thing that drove me and my husband *crazy* when we were trying to get married was the “experience” thing. All the jobs that offered the pay he needed wanted more “experience”–but where in the world do you get this experience at 23?!? Soooo frustrating! Especially since he *did* want to do the responsible thing and be the provider for our relationship (that’s why we had to postpone our marriage til we were financially ready). We got engaged at the age of 21 and didn’t get married til we were 24 last November, after he got a job that paid enough.

    And I also don’t like it when people talk about immature men as the ones playing video games and liking Star Wars. Sure there are many immature guys that are attracted to these things….However, both my husband and I *love* Star Wars and Nintendo games, but we aren’t the selfish, partying, young types that these articles so derogatorily depict. My Star Wars-loving, geeky husband is a hard worker and a fabulous provider thank you very much!

    Anyway, it’s a good article–I think both men and women are seeing it’s hard to find a good person to be in a serious, committed relationship. I don’t think either one caused the other–but I honestly believe feminism had a lot to do with it. Women felt they didn’t need men, and the men felt not needed so weren’t as proactive in being responsible, upstanding people. There are many factors, though!


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