8 thoughts on “Voddie Baucham on Womanhood

  1. I believe in courtship, purity, modesty. I feel like I am such an outsider in my family. Having a career and being able to provide for myself has been put upon me since I graduated high school. I listen to my father when he tells me I need to college to have a future ( I am attending college outside of my home right now). My mother always pursued a career, even though my father was financial able to provide for us. I just feel so alone. I wish I could be a stay at home daughter to prepare for what I feel is my true calling. Motherhood. My family makes me feel if I stay home I am lazy and living in a fantasy world. I just want to live a life that is one that resembles a woman who lives her life according to Bible, but I feel like a bad daughter if I go against what my parents want. Throughout my life, since I was 17, I always had a job or attended school outside the home. I wish I were able to be a keeper at home and have the time to do things in my church and community. I am telling you all these things after reading the many articles about biblical womanhood on here and after watching the Botkin girls documentary about daughters returning home. I just live in constant mental agony. I just know that my father is not like Mr. Baucham or Mr. Botkin when it comes to allowing their daughters to learn and work at home. My mother and I attend church, but my father only goes on occasion when he feels like it, so a lot of time my mother has had to take on the spiritual leader in our household. I just feel like they want me to almost be like a man and I feel so discouraged about what I should be doing. They tell me it takes two people sometimes to work to make it in life. If you could help me out any I would much appreciate it:) P.s. I have tried talking to them and even had them watch the documentary the girls had made with me and they just don’t see it. They tell me you will find a husband one day and when you do you can stay home and live the life you want and we will be proud of you, but for now you need to get an education. I just feel so conflicted and confused.


    1. Thanks for this heartfelt comment. I was in your same shoes 21 years ago when my parents were urging me to go to college in another state. I’d managed to convince them to let me wait a year so I could do more projects at home (including a sewing business with my mother, which I loved). But my parents were still very much in the mindset of “you have to have something to fall back upon.” This is probably what is motivating your parents, and I can understand their fears. It has become more and more rare in our culture for men to grow up expecting to provide for a family. I was so disillusioned by the men I met at college, about 98% of whom wanted the double-income lifestyle, the extra car, the “stuff.” I became cynical and felt I would never meet anyone who was like my own father–our provider–or who would let me be like my mother (homemaker, home educator, talented seamstress, home business owner, etc.). It seemed inconceivable to me that my parents couldn’t understand my viewpoint, especially as they hoped I would marry and stay home one day! But I honored them and went. It was a very bumpy road (taking a nasty detour into feminism along the way) to get me back home, and, during that experience, my parents came to see that they had pushed me to make a wrong decision–a decision that resulted in debt and the “necessity” of a job after college.

      Now, there are ways to creatively honor your parents in this area and still keep your eyes on the goal and develop the skills you wish to hone. First, appeal to your parents to allow you to attend college from home. It is FAR less expensive and doesn’t require living on a campus. Distance education is booming as more and more students decide to dump the debt-based, brick-and-mortar model and stay home while they learn. Studying from home also allows you more flexibility to develop a business you can run from home (catering, sewing, photography, graphic design, editing, writing, etc., etc.). If you can demonstrate to your parents that you can cut down college costs and bring in something at the same time, they will most likely perk up their ears and be willing to hear you out. Do your research. Run a search on “college” in our search box and in the archives search box. We have so many articles on the ridiculous costs (both financial and moral) of “higher education” these days. Prominent economists and educators alike are questioning the old model and advocating alternatives that allow students to live frugally and develop life skills without isolating themselves on a campus away from real-world opportunities. That flexibility would also give you more time to be involved in your local church’s ministries (visiting the sick, the elderly, helping new mothers, etc.). Check out College Plus for just one example of how distance learning can be done on your own time-table and at FAR less cost than the university model. Do be careful to double-check all distance education alternatives, as there are a few non-accredited ones out there just trying to make a quick buck and not delivering on promises.

      Do all you can to love and respect your parents (especially your father), even when you disagree. Ask God to protect you and keep you focused on honoring Him and learning for His glory. Ultimately, God does work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28), and that often means following a hard road we did not choose. But God is faithful. Ask Him to change your parents’ hearts and minds as you research alternatives and present them. I’ll be praying for you, too. I’ve been in your shoes!


  2. Thank you so much for responding to my comment:) I will take what you said into consideration. I know it is so important to respect my parents at the same time. If I can find a better way to go about things and show them I can do my education while learning the skills I need at home I will strive to do that. Thank you for praying for me. I will be praying for God to bless the work you all do here as well:)

    God bless,



  3. LeeAnn,

    As a follow up to Jennie’s comment, if your parents insist on you getting a degree, if there is a community college in or near your home you might want to check it out.

    I’m old enough to be your mom, but I’ve gone back to school at our local community college and can personally vouch for much of what Jennie says. My major has all its classes online, although some prequisite classes and the general education classes required for an associate’s degree may not be. For example, you can’t learn anatomy and physiology without labs and working with models of bones, body organs, etc.

    The tuition is dirt cheap — $80/quarter hour and you can live at home. There are also many majors that would help you out as a stay-at-home mom some day, such as registered nursing, licensed practical nursing, early childhood education, culinary arts (also great for running a home business), dietetic technician, and many more. Most programs take ~2 years to finish.

    Finally, if you go this route and your parents still expect you to work outside the home, you might be able to work part-time in many of these fields. Then you’d have time available to hone the homemaking skills you feel the Lord desires for you.

    YMMV, but even though I’m in a different season of life and in college because I want to, my husband and I have paid for all my tuition, fees, and books so far without dipping into our savings or taking out a student loan.

    I’ll be praying for you, while I finish up final projects and prepare for 2 final exams next week .

    God bless you.


  4. LeeAnn,

    I must say that my heart leap a little with joy to read your comment. Though your father does not understand the biblical model for daughters, you can still bless him tremendously. It is always amazing how God leads us to where he wants us to go. Nothing will be wasted, be assured of that. Be obedient and honor your father because in the end God will use your education to bring Him glory, just you watch and see.

    My situation is also difficult. Being a mother of six children. My oldest daughter left home last year when I was 7 months pregnant. She told me she was going to leave and one morning I woke up to find her gone. I was devastated. Another Christian family took her in. My daughter left because she felt she was an adult (at 19) and was going to make her own decisions which included attending a local secular college and dating a boy I had serious concerns over because God “told” her they were going to get married. I didn’t hear from her for months. Most of the people around her kept her secrets from me. They supported her decision to make her own life.

    She is far, far from the beautiful, innocent, and pure woman she was. She has a tattoo now and is a little loud and oftentimes obnoxious. Her language is not always clean. I see her often now. Though to be very honest, it is torture and I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t have her around the little ones because she isn’t the best influence. I just don’t know what to do. My pastor told me to ask her to move back in and pay rent. One of the Elders at church told me to ask her to come back but make her pay for all her own bills but to stay out of her room and let her do as she pleases, it’s off limits. I just cannot agree to those terms.
    Her behavior is just not something I think would be good for my little ones to live with day in and day out. So I wait on the Lord and pray, a whole lot.

    As much as I trust Gods word, it is so, so hard to be alone. My husband does not share my faith, though he does attend church weekly with us. I cannot express how much I appreciate LAF, Vision Forum, Voddie Baucham, Kevin Swanson, and so many more. It helps me stay afloat. I’m not going to gloss over it, I often want to give up.

    I try not to live in fear of losing my other daughters as I have my oldest. But, that is a fear I can’t seem to calm. You have no idea how I pray my daughter would write the comment you did! What joy!

    May God richly bless you.


  5. LeeAnn, thank you for your comment, and Mrs. Chancey, thank you for your response. You are definitely a positive role model in today’s world and I admire you for your good influence. I am in a similar situation a’s LeAnn, where my parents say that I need to go to college in order to survive. My dad seemed utterly disgusted when I said that I wanted to be a homemaker, and my mom respects it, but she too says that I need to go to college in the meantime. I am 17 and in my senior year of high school, and I figure that I have time to make a difference and prevent worldly higher education while I am still young. I would love to stay at home and go to college, bur my dad wants me to go as far as possible so that I can learn to “live life on my own” and be independent. The responses that you all put are very helpful, so intend to pray and see what God’s will for my life is.


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